The 10 Online Dating Texting Rules for more matches and dates

1. What is your intention in texting them?

    People will often throw caution to the wind if they’re lonely, says Comaroto. There’s nothing wrong with that, she assures, but unless you’re upfront in your text about what you want from this person (or don’t want), there’s a risk of leading them on if you’re not looking for anything more than a late-night cuddle. And, she says, consider this: When you’re not feeling so lonely anymore, will you still want that person around?

    If the answer is no, maybe rethink hitting send. “Why am I doing what I’m doing?” Comaroto suggests asking yourself. “Will you be okay with [this choice] today, and will you still be tomorrow?”

    If you’re not so sure, Comaroto says to take a beat and consider your relationship goals. Write down what it is you want. And look, this doesn’t have to be a projection of the long term with the wedding bells and 2.5 kids. Just consider whether you’ll look back on this moment and feel regret. And if you’re still not sure, give yourself 24 hours to think it over and revisit it.

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    #16 How to make her laugh when you’re not funny

    Did you know that a recent study showed that 33% of communication happens through memes?

    And did you know that I pulled that out of my ass 100%?

    But, I do believe that memes are love and memes are lyfe.

    And NOT just because they give me a funny feeling in my stomach…

    …but also because they make flirting so much easier.

    Easy and convenient.

    All you need these days to make girls laugh, is a couple good friends.

    And if all is well with you and your friends, then you should be in a group chat somewhere.

    And in that group chat, your friends post funny memes and videos every now and then. All YOU need to do, is forward them to the girl(s) you like. If it made all of you guys laugh, it can probably make her laugh too. And all you had to do was forward the funny thing. Amazing.

    (Don’t forward them on WhatsApp or any other app that adds the message ‘Forwarded’ to the image. If that’s the case, then just save it to your phone or copy the link to the video, and then share it with her. Nobody likes to just get stuff forwarded to them. We feel more special if we think someone sent something directly and exclusively to us.)

    Now, before anyone shouts they don’t have any friends. Or no meme-spreading friends…

    …follow a funny meme page on Instagram, Facebook, or whatever platform you like browsing.

    Memes and funny videos are in the same category as

    Memes and funny videos are in the same category as fluffy puppies and kittens.

    They work. Oh boy they sure do work.

    So… baby animals, funny videos, and memes are all

    So… baby animals, funny videos, and memes are all approved for texting.

    What can a fine gentleman NOT text about?

    3. Have you recently gone out on a date with them?

      Yeah? Then definitely send the text. The best way in, says Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, a psychologist in Philadelphia, is to bring up something you talked about during your date. Say they mentioned a movie they’re super into and you catch a trailer for the director’s next film—send them something like: “Hey, I just saw the trailer for [director’s name here]’s new movie. I can see why you’re into her stuff. If you’re free, want to watch it with me next Thursday?”

      Or, if nothing really stood out (are you sure you want to go on a second date?), send a thank you for a nice time and suggest something the two of you can do in the future.

      “Should I text him?” isn’t the only question you’ll ask when it comes to dating. All the answers to your burning q’s, here:

      4. Do you want to ask them out?

      All together now: Text them! Text them! Text them!

      How you ask them out is totally up to you, says Beverly Palmer, PhD, clinical psychologist, professor emeritus at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and author of Love Demystified.

      Related Story

      Ask Dr. Chloe: ‘How Do I Ask A Guy Out?’

      But if making a move digitally is more your speed, tell them you’ve been interested in spending one-on-one time with them and were wondering when they had some free time to grab a drink. When they say yes (because who wouldn’t want to go out with you?), propose a time and place and lock it in.

      If on the off-chance they’re not interested, it’s okay to let it sting for a bit…then on to the next.

      Rule #4: One of my most effective online dating texting tips for guys

      Do you want to get her to invest as much as possible in the conversation?

      You will achieve this by asking the RIGHT questions and formulating statements.

      What do 99% of men do when they start chatting with a woman?

      They ask questions about her everyday life or her job.

      The big disadvantage of this is:

      If they are honest, the answer interests these men less than a moldy crispbread.

      With one question, you expect her to make a direct investment. You ask her to lead the conversation instead of taking responsibility for it yourself.

      But that doesn’t mean that it’s fundamentally bad to ask questions. You just have to be careful not to ask too many questions at the beginning of your chat.

      Later in the chat, you can ask more questions to get to know them better.

      >> 71+ Questions to Ask a Girl on Tinder That Will Make Her Open Up to You.

      These three types of questions will give you the best cards at the beginning of the conversation:

      The ‘or‘-question

      Here the possibilities are already present in the question, and she only has to choose.

      Examples:

      Burger or sushi?

      Berlin or Paris?

      Brazil or Thailand?

      The closed question

      It’s a yes-or-no question.

      Example:

      Do you like tomato soup with meatballs?

      The open question

      Example:

      Why are you doing [her favorite hobby/occupation/passion]?

      Pro tip:

      If you ask ‘why’ questions, she gets more in touch with her emotions.

      This, in turn, increases her investment and thus the chance of a date.

      Example:

      Why did you become a dancer?

      Pro tip #2:

      Use question marks as rarely as possible or even formulate questions without them. This way, the question sounds less like an investment and looks more like a statement.

      So much for the asking. We have already clarified earlier that you should be sparing with questions at the beginning of your chat because otherwise, you can come across as an annoying child.

      Instead, you should use statements at the beginning.

      This way, you will indirectly draw the investment out of the convo little by little. To do this, you text her something where she can’t help but answer.

      Here are two smart ways:

      1. Challenging comments: ‘You look like a hot homeless lady.’
      2. Simple, friendly compliments: ‘You write as if you were a professional writer.’

      Rule #7: The power of language

      Why is it so important to stimulate a woman emotionally when online dating?

      Because women make most of their decisions based on feelings.

      If you take her on an emotional rollercoaster online, she’ll be even more curious to see what you’ll do with her in real life.

      You should have this principle in mind when you write your profile text:

      That magical moment when you hold your breath because you’re meeting someone special. The first touch and the Goosebumps when your eyes meet. ‘You feel stronger, yet more vulnerable than ever before…

      When she reads such a bio, she will feel much more than if you only write about your age, your profession, and your football club.

      This article shows you exactly what else you need to know about profile texts:

      >> 3 Ways to Make an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Text (+ 5 Examples)

      Aaaaaand NEXT!

      Mastering the Ping Texting a Woman After the First Date

      If you have read other dating advice articles on this site then you know that you should have your second date in mind already when planning the first date. Don’t worry, you aren’t obligated to offer a second date if there is no chemistry on your first date. 

      You need to have a ready-to-execute plan. Having that second date already asked for makes it a lot harder for a woman to say no. A woman who will dismiss your text message will have a much tougher time rejecting you to your face.

      Having your second date set is one of the absolute best ways of not overdoing the messaging after the first date. When the second date is waiting in the wings, you have very little reason to communicate extensively between the dates. However, in addition to your “thank you for a nice time” message, you can also send, later in the week, a confirmation of your second date. As an aside, that message is never “are we still on,” but rather “i’ll be picking you up at 6, send me the address.” 

      It is entirely ok to send a message that you had a good time. Do not overdo it. It was not the best time of your life unless you spent every day prior to your coffee date living in a cave eating bugs. If the date really did seem like the best thing that ever happened to you, keep working the process with this woman, but you seriously need to work on dating more.

      The point is to communicate that you had a good time, and that it was nice to meet them; that is all you have to say until they respond. One of the wonderful things about texting, or application messaging if you are still using an online dating site, is that it comes with an option to delete what you have written, edit your message, or just not send it at all. Use these features to send a short, clear, message with a tone you’re comfortable with in language you have carefully considered.

      A “ping” is a short, “hey, how are you,” message that allows a woman to respond, or not respond as it were, and that maintains a low level of contact without being intrusive. Pay very careful attention to the responses to your pings because they are going to dictate how things proceed.

      If She’s Not Interested in Your Pings

      If you do not get a response within the first ten minutes, wait at least a half day, and longer is better, to send the second one. Do not ever send repeated pings to a woman who does not respond. Like it or not, she is, in fact, responding to your messages and, rudely, telling you “no thanks.” Resist the temptation to have the last word, whether she is deserving of it or not, and just move on.

      Never send more than two ping messages, even when separated by days without some sort of positive response. If you send a ping and you get back a terse thank you, wait a bit before sending another. Take note: if you keep getting back terse, one or two word responses then cut your losses and move on. An interested woman is one who will readily communicate with you.

      There are certainly going to be cases in which the woman really favored you on your first date together, and actually is waiting for your call. In this situation, a “ping” approach works just as well here as with someone less enthusiastic. Without some artful probing, you cannot tell the difference with any degree of accuracy how a woman feels.

      How Interested Women Respond to Pings

      If a woman is interested, a ping gives her the opportunity to respond, to ask her questions, to do her own evaluation, without having to appear overly eager by moving first.

      If you did not meet this woman in an online dating application, it is entirely possible she simply lost your contact information. Of course if you did meet through a dating app, versus scribbling phone numbers on receipts in a club, it is not really likely that she has lost your contact information.

      If you send a ping and get a cheerful response, with a question or other invitation to continue attached, then feel free to engage in some communication. If she starts asking her own questions, after she answers yours, then you are cruising towards a great second date.

      Even here, never overwhelm your prospects with attention. Match their texting frequency and volume as closely as you can. If they text every couple of hours, then you text every couple of hours. If they say “hi, how is your day going,” then go ahead and answer with a sentence of similar length; counting the words is probably excessive but do not answer a question about your day with a thousand word description of your job and all of its failings. As with other communications, always end yours with a question to keep things moving. 

      Incidentally, this frequency and volume matching can work with anyone at any stage of a relationship. Instead of giving your partner the idea that you are immediately available, waiting a couple of minutes to answer texts gives the impression that you are breaking away from something else to pay attention to them; this can create more interest than being instantly available.

      Matching their text volume can prod them to increase their volume in an attempt to engage further. With an established relationship however, be careful to keep the gamesmanship to a minimum. Waiting a minute to answer a text can be useful, waiting an hour is just irritating.

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