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How to Conceal Your Farting in Public » VripMaster

Why Make Yourself Fart?

Because farting in public is generally frowned upon, why would you want to make yourself fart? It is completely normal for gas to build up in the digestive system and you have to release the gas in some way.

Gas, flatus, or abdominal wind is produced when foods break down in the gut. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK) reports that your large intestine holds bacteria that break down undigested food. This can result in vapors forming in the gut that may or may not have a distinct and offensive smell when you fart.1

Another reason for a buildup of gas causing you to fart more is swallowing air. This can happen because of eating too fast, drinking fizzy drinks, chewing gum, or smoking. The NIDDK says that any air not expelled through the mouth eventually has to be passed out as gas.

According to Johns Hopkins Medical, some of the related symptoms of trapped intestinal gas are bloating, abdominal pain and discomfort, and belching. Thankfully, having gas is not a life-threatening condition; however, being able to make yourself fart to release gas from your gut is usually the only way to get rid of discomfort from the abdominal pain.2

Researchers from the NIDDK say that health conditions can increase gas and make you break wind more. They highlighted irritable bowel syndrome, overgrowth of bacteria in the small intestine, gastroesophageal reflux (GERD), or certain food intolerances can cause flatulence.1


Save Your Elevator Farts for When the Doors Open

Elevators are by far the most difficult places to fart and not get caught. Everyone is cramped together, nobody is talking, and there is no air flow. That being said, there’s still a way to fart on the sly. The folks at Bubble News recommend one very simple rule: only fart when the door opens. During that time, three important things happen:

  1. The elevator and doors make noise
  2. People go out
  3. New people come in

If you fart when the doors open, you can cover up the noise, and the blame could easily land on the jerk that farted and ran, or the jerk who waited until they were on the elevator. At that point, do what Jonathan Beck at Quora suggests, and remain silent to maintain plausible deniability. Everyone will suspect everyone, but no one will know for certain that it was you.

Lifehacker’s Evil Week highlights the dark side of life hacking. How you use that knowledge is up to you.