checking the microphone and webcam

How Long Should I Wait For A Guy To Call Or Text After Sex?

Why Is He Taking So Long To Respond All Of A Sudden

Before you think of all the possible reasons for this sudden change in his behavior, let’s discuss some common and simple factors. First, he may not be good with text messages and feel more comfortable talking to someone over a phone call or meeting them in person. Perhaps, the guy lacks texting etiquette, skills, or knowledge. His tone and style of messaging can tell you if that’s the problem. Moreover, some people have a habit of checking and replying to messages late. Look at this example:



You can see how it all went well when both the girl and guy acknowledged their habit of replying late. Things might not be the same for you. For instance, the guy may have poor time management skills and fails to reply on time due to his busy schedule.

When he takes too long to reply, you can leave a simple message like:

Hey, are you ok?

Is everything alright?

It can help you get an idea of what he is up to. If the guy is interested, he will reply and also tell the reason for the late response. But if he does not reply to your message, it could be a hint that he’s not interested or has other options.

Here are some effective icebreakers to use to engage your match. 


What to Text a Guy After Exchanging Numbers

Give him a basic introductory text

Sending him a no-frills, “Hey, it’s me, *your name*” kind of text isn’t incredibly original. But sometimes you don’t really need more than the basics.

Going with a text like this is pretty safe and risk-free. You don’t make a joke that could potentially miss the mark, you don’t send him an overly flirtatious message that seems like too much, and you don’t make him uncomfortable.

An obvious drawback to this approach, though, is that it’s clearly a little on the uninteresting side. If you’re looking for a way to make a grand entrance, this isn’t it.

Example: “Hey, it’s me, *your name.* From *wherever you met*.”

When Dating Online

If you get a match on Tinder, Bumble, or any other app, my advice is to message them as soon as you can And, even once the conversation has started, continue to message in a timely manner.

You don’t want to appear too needy and like you have no life, but the nature of online dating has altered the conventional wisdom.

Have you ever seen the online dating inbox of an attractive woman? Many of them can receive hundreds of messages a day and they respond very rarely. If you’re lucky enough to get a message, don’t delay!

If you take too much time to respond to a conversation, you’re going to go from first in her messages list to fifteenth. And, unless you’re amazingly attractive, this means you’re going to get ignored and the conversation will die. Even if you are a supermodel, it still might die.

Once you’ve gotten in a good back and forth for several messages and built rapport, I would advise trying to get her number or Snapchat information. Snapchat is good if she’s reluctant to give out her phone number. Then, you can text under more normal circumstances.

Why you should wait to text him back after he ignored you

In life, people will only get to repeatedly wrong us if we allow them to do so. A man who ignores you and fails to make an effort to talk to you doesn’t deserve your undivided attention. You must attach consequences to subpar behavior that disrespects you.

Fighting or lashing out at him will only give him the upper hand or validate his decision to ignore you.

Instead, show little to no emotion.

In fact, maintain a positive attitude and be easy going. Do not question where he disappeared to nor talk about missing him. 

The reason why you should wait 2 – 3 days before texting him after he ignored you is to make him reconsider his opinion of you.

If he lost interest in you because he assumed that you’re more into him than he is into you, then he expects you to chase after him or by dying to talk to him when he returns. 

By reacting differently to what he expects, it throws him a curveball. He starts to question whether you actually like him as much as he thought. Then the question of you liking someone else seeps into his mind.

This suddenly makes him far more curious about you and the fear of loss takes a hold of his mind.

You can create all of these doubts and questions by simply not replying to him the same day when he texts you. 

Uncertainty creates curiosity. Curiosity creates interest. Interest creates attraction.

Related post: 12 Reasons why men pull away

We also asked real people what they think about texting after the first date

Here’s what they had to say.

“If I want to see you again and I don’t hear from you for 2-3 days, I’d think you were playing games with me.”

“I admit that when I was younger I loved the idea of the chase. If I was really liking a guy and he didn’t text me back immediately after the date, it would absolutely build anticipation and would make me want to see him more. It’s all part of that ‘game.’ But now that I’m in my 30s I pretty much know right away whether or not I want to see you again. If I want to see you again and I don’t hear from you for 2-3 days, I’d think you were playing games with me, and I’m not 24 anymore.” —Elizabeth, 33

“If you like someone, text them that you had fun.”

“Don’t be afraid to text first. You don’t want to be super thirsty, but if you like someone, text them that you had fun and want to see them again. All this ‘waiting for them to text’ stuff just winds up with two people being annoyed the other person didn’t text them.” —Andrea, 25.

“You don’t have to wait.”

“You don’t have to wait the allotted 2-3 days; that feels long especially if it’s clear we both really like each other.” —Sharon, 28

“If you like the person, why are you playing games with them?”

“I always text as soon as I get home if the date was fun. If you like the person, why are you playing games with them? Let them know you had fun. If they like you, they’ll want to hang out again.” —Justin, 27

“No one is so busy they can’t answer a text.”

“If someone is actually into you, they’re going to message you right back. They’ll be right by their phone. No one is so busy they can’t answer a text.” —Becks, 23.

“Don’t post cryptic stuff on social media.”

“If you’re trying to date someone, don’t post cryptic stuff on social media and not message them back. It makes you look kind of desperate, in my honest opinion. It doesn’t convey that you’re busy, it conveys that you’re someone who’s insecure and plays games. Adults don’t do that. You never know if someone is looking you up on socials, but assume that they are.” —Adam, 28.

“It’s nice to know you were memorable.”

“Send something specific that they’ll laugh about—something that can be an inside thing. Maybe you both are into the same show and you could send a joke from the show. Maybe you talked about something specific that you could mention. Whatever it is, it’s nice to know you were memorable.” —Jules, 29.

“Keep the conversation going by asking thoughtful questions.”

“I’d stay away from anything lame like, ‘Hey,’ ‘What’s up?,’ ‘WYD?’ [etc.] because then they might not realize you’re actually trying to have a chat. Keep the conversation going by asking thoughtful questions.” —Michael, 32.

“You don’t want to be messaging back and forth for weeks.”

“Ask [them] out again as soon as possible. You don’t want to be messaging back and forth for weeks on end. That winds up going nowhere.” —Maxine, 30.

“Three days tops.”

“I’d say 3 days tops before you ask for another date. You want to hookup [or date], not chat to your pen pal.” —Lily, 28.

“If you don’t want to see me again, then don’t text me at all.”

“I cannot stand when I have a great date with [someone] and then [they] just proceed to text me [their] random stream of consciousness. Do you want to see each other again or not? If I’m texting you back, then I’ll likely say yes. And if you don’t want to see me again, then don’t text me at all, because it’s confusing,” —Leah, 27

“Before getting sexual, test the waters out first.”

“If the conversation naturally gets sexy and I’m into it, I’ll let you know. Before getting sexual, test the waters out first. You could send something like, ‘I’ve been thinking about you all day,’ and see what the response is. If they say, ‘Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?’ [or something similar], you could say, ‘I’ve been thinking about kissing you.’ That’s kind of sexy, but not too aggressive.” —Brooke, 30.

“We want to get to know you with all of our clothes on first.”

“Listen, women love sex as much as men do. That’s not news. But if we’re just starting to date, we want to get to know you with all of our clothes on first. Not saying that to be a prude, we can totally have sex, and hopefully it will be awesome. But if all you’re talking to me about, in the beginning, is getting me naked, then you likely are having that same conversation with a lot of other women, too. In my opinion.” —Grace, 31

“It’s 2021. Be straightforward.”

“If the conversation naturally turns to sex, I always suggest asking if they’re down for sexting. It’s 2021. Be straightforward. If it’s getting dirty just say, ‘Are you OK with sexting?’ If [this person] is into it, you’ll know. I appreciate honesty.” —Tim, 29.

“I’d like to know right away what the deal is.”

“I’m a raunchy sexter myself so if he isn’t into that, I don’t think we’re a good match. I’d like to know right away what the deal is.” —Anna, 30.

“Don’t get too in-depth about the future.”

“You should definitely be thoughtful, but don’t get too in-depth about the future before a second or third date. Don’t make jokes about getting married or our future kids. That is a big red flag.” —Agata, 28.

“You can always suggest a virtual date.”

“You can always suggest a virtual date, if your schedules are crazy or, you know, there’s a pandemic happening. If you’re feeling someone’s energy and are genuinely interested in them, tell them you’re committed to making the date happen however you can.” —Henri, 27.

“It’s okay to be a little vulnerable.”

“If you’re talking and things feel natural, it’s okay to be a little vulnerable. You shouldn’t be dropping the L-word after one date, but telling someone you really like them or you that you see a future with them shows that you’re serious. If it puts them off, they probably weren’t that serious about it anyway. I like knowing what I’m getting into. I’m not twelve.” —Heidi, 25.

“Don’t waste my time.”

“Be enthusiastic if you want to hang out again and straightforward if you don’t. There is nothing I hate more than someone messaging me nonstop for weeks only to find out that they aren’t interested in seeing me again. Don’t waste my time.” —Andy, 30.

“Don’t start sending ‘good morning’ texts after a first date.”

“My big tip? Don’t start sending ‘good morning’ texts after a first date. It’s too soon for that relationship-y nonsense!” —Cristina, 31.

Finally, no dick pics, please

“Unless specifically asked.” —Tara, 30

Gigi Engle Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.

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